A child was born, with no state of mind
Blind to the ways of mankind
God is smiling on you but he's frowning too
Cause only God knows what you'll go through
-Grandmaster Flash, "The Message"

so i'm putting gas in someone else's car about to head back to the bean and and this cop pulls up talking about 'where you headed'?

woosah...

so i shrivel my face and say what the hell are you asking me that for? he then says well you not going anywhere because that car's registration is suspended, etc. he then says you have to leave it here and get a ride and be happy that i don't ticket and tow you. so, why is it suspended, we ask as we wave the valid registration that just got renewed in may? oh, that's just a piece of paper. i have it here in my computer system. and without any real proof other than his word, he again says we need to call a ride and he pulls off.

we are in Chelmsford (a good 30+ miles from Boston), having pulled off Route 3 for a quick fuel-up. i don't even know the exit number yo. oh, so you gonna just up and leave like that. what if i didn't have a cell phone?!

but the part that gets me the most is...i was PUMPING GAS!

who the fuq runs plates on a car sitting at the pump. ah yes, but of course, i fit the description. i had the XL orange football jersey, those oh so comfy loose-fit jeans, and an untamed 'fro. why else would you become suspicious enough to do something like that at damn near midnight? i could understand if we were speeding, driving erratically, running consecutive yellow lights, or had a tail light missing. but really though...i'm going to need for you to do a better job of cloaking your bias, homeboy.

and people wonder why Michelle Obama said she was proud of her country for the first time in her adulthood.

so...here's a little something for you to enjoy if you don't have the MP3: NWA-FuQThePolice

"Gun over Rose, choose your weapon or pick your pose"

I woke up this morning to find the following message in my mobile inbox. As I loaded up the latptop's browser to read it in full, MOP's Guns & Roses just so happens to be the first song to start playing on iTunes. You know, my man HC spoke on another recent incident which was pretty close to police headquarters. This latest one is literally across the street. He lamented, that for all the policing that gets called for, even heads a block away from the main police station aren't necessarily safe because po-po cannot stop bullets. A dramatic paradigm shift is needed, in my opinion. Regardless, my man George shines some light that I felt should be shared.

Dear friends and family in youth work, the struggle for social justice, community, and life:

Yesterday morning one of the young people I and many others know and love dearly, Kelvin Lara (prounounced "Calvin"), was killed. Many of us were in Ruggles neighborhood yesterday supporting each other, his family, and the young people. The outpouring of support was beautiful and affirming - the whole community was in mourning and celebration together.

There's no way to fully describe Kelvin or how much he means to everyone but I can describe a little what he meant to me. I'm going to miss him dearly... the many hours chilling with him at his home as he broke down conscious and underground hip hop lyrics to me; struggled with stress with friendships, relationships, school, and money; his beautiful spirit, shining personality and friendliness, eager to listen to new ideas and engage in arguments to get his way but in a fun-loving way; my struggles with him to get him to make commitments to himself and follow through and grow; his sense of accomplishment as he proved his worth to himself with changing schools, finishing probation, applying for jobs; and all the love he showed and received and shared with all the young people and his family and youth workers he touched. The fact that he died is such a deep, unfair tragedy - in the words of some of his family and friends, he was a little rough around the edges but making many positive changes and wouldn't hurt anybody in the street battles that are going on in Boston. I think what's devastaging especially to the young people in the neighborhood, especially his younger brother - who were crying with each other and trying to make sense of his death - is that he was such a good person and it's cruel that he was taken away.

A lot of us are still working hard to continue supporting each other through the trauma and other needs people have, and I have a healthy amount of support - especially from the community response yesterday - so please don't worry about me or reaching out by phone (it would probably be more stressful responding to phone calls).

As usual, some of the media around Kelvin's death distorted and ignored many realities around communities, young people, and violence in Boston. I talked with two reporters off the record yesterday to try to make sure they understood, with some success. There is a rich and vibrant community in Ruggles where Kelvin lived. The young people love each other and support each other; many of them are strong leaders who steer their friends in the right direction, have helped each other sign up for jobs and programs, done outreach and led events - Dennis, Jamarr, and Richard, for instance. Many of them stayed on top of Kelvin to keep him positive as well, and I expect that they will work hard to keep things peaceful and continue working to united different neighborhoods even after Kelvin's death. Many adults and young people in the neighborhood love each other a great deal as well and will be outside playing music and having fun in the back of the neighborhood on summer nights so that people can feel safe. One of the parents Mildred is a phenomenal mentor and youth worker who is a second mother to many of the teenagers there. A network of youth workers and adults across Roxbury work together to support the young people there with outreach, job and program opportunities. People know Ruggles as a place where the youth love to have fun and not start drama with other neighborhoods - like many other neighborhoods, it's a place where you can often find many of them playing taps or with firecrackers or riding around their bikes or playing football or making home music videos. Even though Ruggles needs more support and resources, all the support that is there has helped make the neighborhood and the youth there strong.

When the media talk about why Kelvin and many others in Boston have died, they often question whether someone was "known to authorities," or "gang-involved" or "gang-affiliated" -- all bullsh** terms that ignore the realities of youth life. They ask whether a killing was related to gangs or drugs. They are utterly, utterly clueless to the neighborhood beefs that sometimes trace to something serious years back but now happen over small things; they are clueless about the way small arguments over stupid things escalate into violence. When young people don't have support in Boston - when the schools suck, the police and prisons trap young people and divide families, when there's not the support and programs and mentors, when there's not enough jobs for young people and young adults and adults, not enough outreach workers - then it's a recipe for arguments to escalate into the violence. Kelvin had a good deal of support but could have used more. I would wager that that the people who directly killed him (in the context of a larger system that is ultimately responsible for killing our young people), did not; and I know that many of the neighborhoods and young people in Boston do not have the support that they ended. People who've worked with and supported United know that the Mayor, and to some extent the City Council, cut summer jobs drastically in 2003 and has never restored the increases, and has given minimal increases for youth programming and streetworkers and only in response to pressure from young people united with youth workers and other adults. He has increased year-round jobs which will be a blessing, but it's nowhere near enough. In the mean time, one article about Kelvin's death quotes the Police Commissioner Ed Davis and the Mayor touting arresting 50 "gang members" and "drug dealers," and says that Kelvin's death will not deter them from pressing on in their crusade against crime -- politicizing Kelvin's death in precisely the opposite way of the real solution. Young people often say they can't stop violence - and although I think they can majorly reduce it and preach hope to them, recently I've realized how right they are: with all the efforts we do within one neighborhood, it's true that without larger policy changes, the violence can't stop. Officials who protect their power need to step up to change this city too.

Immediately, Kelvin's family needs support raising funds for his wake and funeral. Long-term, I'm hoping to work with the family and youth to create something longer-lasting -- perhaps a scholarship fund so that we can have funds to give people jobs in other organizations across the City, since Kelvin was struggling to get a job and had just gotten accepted for one earlier this week; or funds that youth in the neighborhood will decide how to spend to make the most impact. Kelvin's death also reminds me of the death of another young man four years ago that devastated another nearby neighborhood, so I'm going to ask people if it makes sense to commemorate both people together.

If you would like to support - $50, $100, more, or whatever you can offer, please let me know.

I hope you are all well and thanks for any kind thoughts or prayers you have for Kelvin and everyone touched by him. If you ever need support of your own - outreach, funds for jobs, and in the worst case support after someone is hurt or killed - please let me know ... there is too much pain out there and it's not okay for us to read isolated articles about "other people's youth" getting hurt and killed - when it's the entire community that needs to support each other.

Peace, community, justice,
- George

P.S. Attached are two pictures. In the black-and-white picture, it's really hard to tell when it's not in color, but some of the youth in the neighborhood are putting bunny ears in the window behind Kelvin - they were laughing yesterday because Kelvin put the picture up on MySpace up without realizing it. The other is from his imeem account which he used to listen to music constantly to destress, when he wasn't annoying everybody else by singing out loud to songs, arguing about who the the best hip hop artists are, or breaking down the meaning and history of songs.

"Some say it's strange
Sometimes that's how strange life gets"
-Mobb Deep f/ Nas, "It's Mine"

Yesterday, I had it in my mind to write about some reflections I had during a long drive along I-95. It had planned to talk about my thoughts on open communication. Alas, I fell into the usual rut.

"The streets raised me crazy, now I'm immune to it
So when they start shooting, we don't stop the music"

The Fourth of July weekend of 2008. Another bloody weekend in the Bean. Another high school students gunned down. Another cookout gone AWOL. Another young man from Roxbury slayed in front of his crib. I write this in my crib on a lazy Sunday morning as the midget looks over my shoulder and I struggle to contain my worry. Struggle to contain my fear. Struggle to contain my outrage. It is a justifiable outrage; one that could see me straight-up lose my composure. But it is also an outrage that scares even myself. I can see myself saying and doing things that could have their out dangerous results. I that's not something I'm willing to sacrifice just yet. I gotta hold him down. I want a fulfilling family life. I want picket fences and shT. Yet, I want to live in peace. I want to live in Roxbury. I want to embrace the beauty of the Black experience. I want to do my part to make a difference without losing any of the safety or security to which I should be entitled. And I say entitled because it is a right that should be preserved. If only I can preserve my sanity first.

These bullets bear no names
No senders to whom they are addressed
We professed to be upwardly mobile
But these biscuits will burn your flesh
Have your breaths at slackened paces
We are the dark-skinned faces of death
Grim facial features cast doubts over those we reap
Can't you feel the pain seeping through my pores?

According to the papers, the two young men who were recently slain both aspired to be engineers. My NSBE peoples just let out a collective sigh. Keep doing what you do. But if you can do more, please do. We cannot let these n!ggas completely take over. Stay up.